CrystarMeth: The Saga Unfolds

Welcome back friends and readers.  Today’s update is going to be my look at the 11 issue Marvel run of The Saga of Crystar, but first I will tell you a little about how I got to know what Crystar was. One of the stores that used to be a great place to get toys and halloween costumes when I was a kid was Woolworths, an odd five and dime store that carried off the wall merchandise for very cheap prices. The store in the Dayton market was located in Kettering in a strip mall called Van Buren Shopping Center along side grocery store Krogers, video arcade Krazy Kats, Noble Romans Pizza, The Post Office, Fashion Bug, Ron’s Pizza and a handful of more shops. From a very early age (kindergarden age) the one thing I could remember was going to Woolworths with my mom and brother, for I am sure I mentioned it before I lived in Kettering up until first grade when we moved to Waynesville.  These trips to the store would always lead to me getting a toy, candy or a pack of trading cards. The store, as I remember it, was very poorly lit with stained titles not only on the ceiling but also the floor, and the merchandise always seemed to be a mess on the shelves. The candy isle was filled not only with name brand sweets but some pretty generic ones too. While the store was a dirty mess and the merchandise cheap, this was still a very cool place to get your hands on some great none-mainstream toys.  The toy department at this store always seemed to be filled with Remco toys based on AWA Wresting and generic Masters of the Universe knockoffs as well as Spider-Man parachute figures, but this is also where I would first see Crystar and his made-of-glass warriors. But before I get into that, I need to address Halloween Costumes at Woolworths.  I should also state that sadly Woolworths closed down, Krogers moved out of the shopping center and many businesses closed down for good like Krazy Kats and Ron’s Pizza. What was once a mighty shopping center became a mostly empty eyesore that some years ago got torn down and homes were built in its spot.  While one half of the center is still around, the once powerful Van Buren and its many stores are now just memories.

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Halloween has always been my favorite holidays, and Fall is my favorite season.  Back in my very younger days, Ben Cooper Inc. was the company that made almost every costume that you and your friends wore for Halloween.  Ben Cooper originals were made up of a cheap plastic face mask and a vinyl body suit that was based around horror characters like Dracula, Wolf Man and Frankenstein’s Monster or cartoon/comic characters like Yogi Bear, He-Man, Casper, Batman and Incredible Hulk.  Sometimes you would also be able to get movie characters like Alien, Darthvader or Jaws. Ben Cooper Inc. were the juggernauts of Halloween costumes ruling the market from the 1950’s all the way to the 1980’s, but all things must come to an end as in 1988 they filed for bankruptcy for the first time as many of the companies like DC & Marvel took their characters elsewhere. Ben Cooper Inc. bounced back in 1989 but sadly lost the battle to other companies when in 1992 they closed the doors for good. Ben Cooper masks are now very collectible and many people my age and older have good and some bad memories about wearing these costumes.  One thing’s for sure Halloween and trick or treat lost a major player when the company went belly up. Woolworths always had many of the Ben Cooper costumes for very cheap and would have the boxed ones as well as ones that hung on the shelves, always making it a fun time looking through all of them and choosing what character you were going to be.

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For Halloween one year my mom bought my brother and I costumes based on the film Krull.  My brother got to be the lava demon The Beast, while I got to be the cyclops Rell, and man we both thought we were cool in these cheap costumes. For Kindergarden I went to Beavertown Elementary, and we had a thing called a Halloween Parade where we all would walk through the higher grades and show off our costumes to kids who were older. Well there I was walking from classroom to classroom in my Rell outfit when all of a sudden some smart ass kid says “Hey Cyclops only have one eye, why do you have three?” and then he and his closest classmate had a chuckle.  I felt terrible and being so young I just couldn’t think of a comeback and I spent the rest of the parade without the mask on.  That one student had ruined it for me. Looking back on it now, it was silly for me to be that heartbroken over one dipshit kid’s remarks but for some reason it bothered me, enough so that I remember it to this day. Damn you, Ben Cooper Inc,. for adding three eyes to the mask!

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Remco was a toy company that was founded in the 1940’s and became a major player in the 50’s with such toys as Big Max, Coney Island Penny Machine and Movieland Drive-In Theater play set. By the 1960’s, they were making toys based on Batman, The Beatles, The Munsters , Star Trek and Lost in Space. The 70’s brought toys of The Monkees, Partridge Family, Spider-Man, Micky Mouse and Ronald McDonald, not to mention a makeup kit based around rock band Kiss. But the 80’s is when they really boomed with action figures based around The Universal Monsters like Creature From the Black Lagoon, Phantom of the Opera, Dracula, The Mummy, Frankenstein’s Monster and The Wolf Man all in scale with Kenner’s Star Wars toys, not to mention they also got a lab playset. They also made action figures based around Conan The Barbarian, AWA Wrestlers like Ric Flair and the Road Warriors, DC’s Comic characters Warlord and Sgt. Rock, Archie Comic superheros The Mighty Crusaders and even The Karate Kid got a toy line that covered parts 1 and 2 and of course Marvel Comics own Crystar. In my youth I had some Remco toys as I had many of the AWA Wrestlers, some of the Karate Kid figures and a small amount of the Mighty Crusaders. The 90’s were less kind to Remco as action figures based on the cartoon Swat Kats was one of the only semi major hits for them. Many people don’t know that Remco was broke in 1971 and became a sub company for Azrak Hamway International in 1974 who later sold Remco to Jakks Pacific in 1997. While Remco for the most part is a company of the past, its legacy of cheap made toys still lives on for collectors, and yes I collect them.

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On the piled up toy shelf of Woolworths, Kettering many moons ago I first laid my eyes on the Crystar toy line and was taken aback by these fantasy figures. I owned lots of 3 3/4″ Star Wars, G.I. Joes and a few Battle Star Galactica and Indiana Jones figures and thought they would make great additions to the intergalactic battle my figures were fighting in my bedroom, in between playing with He-Man and LJN WWF Wrestlers. But for some odd reason, I went and found some other generic figure and it was my brother Bryan who ended up getting one when he picked up the evil wizard Zardeth, a character with a black hood on and only one eye. My brother kept the figure for a short amount of time and then passed it down to me.  By this time he had no weapons and his cloak was gone. Not knowing much about the character, he just became a henchman of The Emperor and just another knucklehead for Luke Skywalker to kick around. Besides the Marvel Comic series, the toy line had no other way to reach us kids making these toys almost a mystery. Most action figures around that time had solid source material like a cartoon, movie, TV show to push the toy or at least an A-List comic book.  So it was a strange move for Marvel to go the route of a comic series a year after the toys hit and pick a cheap company like Remco to make the figures of what they were hoping would be a major player in the kids media market. Growing up I only knew of one other group of kids having Crystar figures and that was the Vietnamese neighbors we had next door, who by the way had one bitching cool toy collection. Years later I would get a Moltar figure (the lava king) and he also just acted as a punching bag for Luke. So while I knew Crystar as a toy line, I didn’t pick up it was a comic series until years later. Now with many years passed I do own some Crystar figures and have grown to love them as well as Remco as a company.  So going into this comic series is a first time read for me and I am really looking forward to learning the characters’ history.

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In 1982, a line of fantasy action figures hit the market by toy company Remco with very little fanfare and with no real push, making the seven figure, six mini playsets and two dragon toy line to be lost in the shuffle of action figure toys filling shelves at the time. A year later Marvel Comics released issue one of The Saga of Crystar that was to act as the back story to the action figures. Now the way this is sounding, one would think that the comic was based on the toy line when in fact it was the opposite; you see Marvel Comics created Crystar to license out to a toy company and use the toys to sell the comics! Marvel had a master plan to get a bigger slice of the toy market with a new creation.  Sure, they had toys made of Spider-Man, Incredible Hulk and Captain America, but they wanted more.  So a new world was created with Crystallium and its new fantasy hero Crystar who lead the good named The Order and with all good guys.  They needed a bad guy, so why not his own brother who is called Moltar, the leader of Choas.  And then they thought well horses are over done in fantasy worlds, so let’s let them ride dragons and instead of our heros and villains looking normal let’s let The Order be living crystal and The Choas living lava! They then came up with a back story and shopped the idea around to toy makers and found Remco who wanted to take on the license even without any source to push it.  So the toys came out and again, as I have stated, very few kids had any that I knew.  A year later the comic was released and I knew no one who read it.  Even though the line of toys and comics almost seem that they were failures, I for one have grown to really like the figures and you shall see what I think of the comics below.  I will also say Marvel and Remco really did push this series with amazing ads and things to draw attention.

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I have been a huge fan of the band Danzig since I can remember.  I even remember getting a Danzig cassette tape in my Easter basket one year! So it was a pretty cool when I found out that the skull both Danzig and Samhain (both bands fronted by Glenn Danzig) use as a logo is from the cover of issue # 8 of The Saga of Crystar! I found that to be an interesting fact so it goes to show you that Danzig must have been reading Crystar.  So check out the skull from the comic and then the one used in the logos below.

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Now I am going to break off from Crystar for a moment and talk about video games again, I have been a series gamer sense the NES days and have been a wrestling fan for a little longer. I grew up watching pro wresting with my dad, Brother and grandfather and have also bought every WWE and at the time WCW game that came out. One series I always buy the day it comes out is WWE series up until this year from THQ. The WWE games of the past 8 or so years have had a great habit of adding legends to the game from Hulk Hogan to Iron Sheik making long time wrestling viewers like myself happy.  I would much rather play the superstars of the past then those of the present. To compare say John Cena of this day and age to Bret “Hitman” Hart of the past is laughable as Hart would work circles around Cena. So in late 2012, THQ gave us WWE 13 which treats gamers to a huge roster of today’s superstars and divas as well as superstars and divas of the Attitude Era that ran roughly 1997-2002.  While many say the true start was in 1998, the attitude started before that. Many great icons of this time period were added like Bret Hart, British Bulldog, X-Pac, New Age Outlaws, The Road Warriors, Vader, Gangrel and more, but some superstars seemed to be snubbed for no good reason.  Many names have made wish lists across the net like Steve Blackman, The Headbangers, Chyna, Raven, Lance Storm and The Oddities to name a few.  There are many who have not made it into the game because they work for rival company TNA such as Jeff Hardy, Al Snow, The Dudley Boys and Rob Van Damn. And yet still some did not make the cut because at the time they were in WCW or WWE just has something against them. May I remind you that THQ only could only suggest what wrestlers made the game; WWE has the final say on who’s in and who’s out.  But here is a list of four wrestlers I think were snubbed and have a place in WWE 13!

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The Patriot (Del Wilkes) was an independent masked wrestler who made a name for himself in the GWF (Global Wrestling Federation) from 1991 until 1992 becoming a crowd favorite and even winning the federation’s world title. After leaving the company, he went to All Japan Pro Wrestling and became a draw even winning the tag titles with partner The Eagle, and returning there off and on throughout his short career. WCW was his next stop as in 1994, he and Marcus “Buff” Bagwell formed the team Stars and Stripes, and they would be multiple time Tag Team Champions.  The Patriot left the company in 1995 and went back to All Japan for a couple of years. In 1997 WWF/WWE brought The Patriot in to feud with Bret “The Hitman” Hart and his new Hart Foundation (British Bulldog, Brian Pillman, Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart) who would slam America and speak of how great Canada is.  The Patriot was the man who bled red, white and blue and took offense to this slander and took the fight to Hart. The feud would have both men fight on Monday Night Raw and PPV’s in single and tag matches. But sadly The Patriot got a serious injury that not only ended his time in the WWE but also his career as a pro wrestler. The Patriot was being geared to be a top babyface in the company and even had action figures made while he was there.

The reason I think he should make it into WWE 13 is because while his time was short with the company his feud with the Harts was a great one.  It struck raw emotions with both American and Canadian fans given the battle’s meaning. Plus he was a solid worker who would at least have the over all game rating of 86, giving this already amazing roster one more competitor for the World Title or at least the Intercontinental. Not to mention that his song in 1997, “Medal,” would later be used as Kurt Angle’s, making the song available to use for anyone’s created Angle character. I should also note that way back when, my Aunt Teresa let some pro-wrestlers use her garage as a training area complete with a ring & weights and from time to time The Patriot was one that would work out, how cool is that! While I know he is not a super popular wrestler, I would be happy to hear that this star spangled hero that is in the same vein as Hulk Hogan and Hacksaw Jim Duggan would have at least been DLC for the game.

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Every guy who watched WWE/WWF wanted to have “Sunny Days,” and I was one of them! Tammy Lynn Sytch, better known, as Sunny was a valet and sometimes wrestler who began her career in 1992 at Smokey Mountain Wrestling as a snooty character named Tammy Fytch managing her real life boyfriend Chris Candido and Brian Lee to winning the tag titles. She and Candido left in 1995 to work for the WWF/WWE.  At first she was used as a backstage interviewer but quickly enough she became Sunny as Candido became Skip, and together they were the Bodydonnas.  Later on they would be joined by Zip, and Sunny would manage them to tag team gold.  She later would dump them and manage teams like The Godwinns and The Smoking Gunns. She would also manage Ron Simmons for a short time who was going under the name Faarooq. Sunny would then host WWE shows like Shotgun Saturday Night and would also manage The Road Warriors who were going under the name LOD 2OOO. Sunny was let go in 1998 after backstage heat between herself and top diva Sable, not to mention she had no showed events and had an addiction to pain pills. Tammy would no longer be Sunny and would join federations like ECW, XPW and even had a very small run for WCW. While Sunny has made some appearances in the WWE and has become a Hall of Famer, she has not worked for the company full time since 98. Sunny was the top Diva for many years and was the first Diva who broke the mold of what a woman wrestler should look like and paved the way for many of the company’s top female talent. Sunny was so popular she had her own home video, was magazine cover girl many times and had a number of action figures. For the longest time, Sunny was my favorite Diva and for the most part still is in my top two.  Sunny brought the sex appeal and attitude that kick started the company into success. Sunny should have been added in the game, if not as a wrestler, at least as a manager.  Oh I should note, I also use to have Sunny posters in my room and still have my ECW Tammy shirt.  Like most teens, I used to think that Sunny was the most beautiful queen of wrestling and while lots of fans have turned their back on her because of her “issues” I stand by how I felt then and say Sunny should have been in WWE 13!

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Dr. Death Steve Williams has wrestled in many federations that include WCW, NWA, ECW, All Japan and Mid South to name a few. Williams has held world titles and tag titles and was considered one of the toughest men to step into a wrestling ring, even becoming one of the first American Wrestlers to be considered a true main eventer in Japan.  In 1998 WWF/WWE hired Dr. Death right when they were having an event called “Brawl For It All” in which wrestlers competed on TV in fights that were much like the Tough Man Contests that had popped up all over the US and became popular. Williams was the odds on favorite, and the WWE was banking on him winning and pushing him as the company’s top heal.  Rumor even has it that he was suppose to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin for the World Title. Williams entered the contest and made short work of his first round opponent (Jean-Pierre LaFitte), but his second round opponent Bart Gunn was another story as Gunn took down Williams tearing his hamstring and then knocking him out. Williams missed several months of action, and his push went up in smoke.  When Williams returned, he was put with broadcaster Jim Ross who acted as his manager and spent his time being a badass bully. But the knock out left the WWE with a bad taste, and they let Dr. Death go in 1999.  Williams would later still make appearances for the WWE but never would be a contender. Dr. Death should have made it to WWE 13 because he was a legit badass who would have fit in perfect with the likes of Brock Lesner and Ryback as a muscle bound brute who would have represented the Attitude Era very well. While Dr. Death didn’t live up to what Vince and the WWE wanted for the time, he still helped make the WWE what it was by showing that truly anything can happen in the ring.  Dr. Death would have made a great addition to the game’s runners for the World Title and would have had the over all game rating of 88. Williams battled cancer for years but sadly lost his battle to throat cancer in 2009. Oh yeah and you better believe if Dr. Death was in the game, he would be Oklahoma Stampeding Ryback’s lame ass!

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Last on the list is not only a legend of the 80’s but also a guy who was a part of the whole Austin 3:16 creation.  That man is Jake “The Snake” Roberts! Now I don’t want to spend much time on Jake’s past, but I would like to focus on his second run in the WWE that started in 1996 and had him returning at the Royal Rumble as a good guy and spreading the word of God. Roberts, who was in real life a born again Christian, would use this for his in-ring character and even spiced up his snake using an albino serpent that he named Revelations and laced his interviews with bible passages and warnings of the evils of drugs and alcohol. In 1997 Roberts would go on to enter the King of The Ring tournament and would beat his first round opponent Triple H and then do the same in the second round when he beat JBL.  In the third round, he faced Vader and won by DQ but took serious injury to his ribs. The final match had him face off with Stone Cold Steve Austin who made short work of the veteran, and during his crowning Austin spoke the words “Austin 3:16 Said I Just Whooped Your Ass,” making fun of Robert’s who was bible thumping. Roberts then would go on to feud with Jerry “The King” Lawler who used Jake’s past against him. In late 1997, WWE wanted Jake to wind down and end his career pushing The Snake out who still wanted to wrestle. While many would count Jake out and say he has no place in WWE 13’s Attitude Era roster, I would be so bold to say he help create it when he lost to Austin, kickstarting one of the biggest phrases in wrestling history! Jake “The Snake” Roberts would have been a perfect addition to the roster and would have added a fun moment in Austin’s Attitude storyline as you had to beat him for The King Of The Ring crown. Jake’s over all game rating would be 83 due to the fact he was on the tail end of his major pro wrestling career. Jake was the cinderella story when he returned and while it was a short return, he still had a huge impact on the Attitude of the WWE.

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So those are four Superstars that I feel were truly left out of WWE 13 and really deserved to be on the roster or at least DLC. But while I am on the topic of wrestling and Sunny, I should note that after WWE and wrestling days, Tammy Lynn Sytch joined up with another former wrestling valet Missy Hyatt who had opened a website called Wrestling Vixxxens and posed nude for the site causing the net to be abuzz about her move to bare all. I will not lie, when the news broke I surfed the net looking for the pics and was not disappointed when I found them! Part of me wonders if her decision to do this site hurt her chances of coming back to the WWE at the time.  I mean I think Vince missed the boat on really using Sunny/Tammy to her full potential. I know she had issues with drugs and what not but so did most of his locker room…Shawn Michaels anyone? It almost seemed like Vince made up his mind that Sable was going to be his top diva and for the most part that was a terrible idea as she turned out to be a pain in his ass as well as a moneymaker. I would love to see Sunny return to this day as a interviewer or manager and I for one will always be a Tammy fan.  

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One other thing:  as of late I have been finding old copies of Mad and Cracked Magazines at stores like Game Swap and Half Priced Books, and this has also reminded me of my youth. When I was growing up not only were comics, ghost stories and movie-based novels the only things that kept me reading instead of just playing NES or watching a film on VHS but so were Mad and Cracked Magazines that we would buy from Big Bear or find at Garage Sales. Back then I found myself getting a chuckle from these magazines as they spoofed popular movies, shows and culture all in a silly over the top way. But after reading through them once more, I found myself not only feeling nostalgic but also really looking deep into which magazine I really liked more then and now.  When I was younger, I would say that for sure I was more of a Cracked fan and owned and “collected” those issues more so then Mad, while my brother I would take a guess liked Mad a little more for I remember him having piles of the magazine and lots of the paperbacks. Take a look at these old pics below of a young me holding his prized Cracked magazines as well as me with an old Mad Spy Vs. Spy paperback in super cool Spider-Man PJ’s.

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Mad Magazine began in 1952, founded by editor Harvey Kurtzman and publisher William Gains, and was at first a comic book put out by EC comics the same company that released comics like Tales From The Crypt and the Vault of Horror and switched to Magazine format with issue #24. It was a parody comedy magazine that would poke fun at films, shows and culture and would change hands many times finally being owned by DC Comics (Time Warner). The magazine is still going as of 2012 and has spawned many other products such as a board game, a Saturday Night Live-style sketch comedy show called Mad TV that aired on Fox, a cartoon, toys, masks, shirts and paperback books to name a few. Mad’s spokesman is the silent, missing front tooth, one eye lower then the other, big eared, red headed goof named Alfred E. Newman. Newman is the poster boy for Mad and has sparked the phrase “What, Me Worry?” and truly has become a true American pop culture mascot icon. Most people my age could tell you who Newman is and many would say that Mad was better then Cracked. Mad also offered such great features as Spy vs. Spy, Captain Klutz and the work of Don Martin. 

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Cracked Magazine began in 1958 as the brain child of Sol Brodsky, an artist for hire who later became Vice President for Marvel Comics, and was a inspired by the popular Mad Magazine. Cracked followed the same formula as Mad and spoofed movies, TV and pop culture with an even more silly approach. Cracked had a sense of humor about itself and even had used the tag line that it was there for people to buy after Mad had sold out at the newsstand. Cracked would be sold for awhile but slowly lost its hold in the market in late 90’s and was on life support during the 2000’s before it was canceled for good in 2007. But you can’t stop Cracked now as it’s been reborn as a silly news site that has been becoming more and more popular. Cracked’s poster boy was its janitor Sylvester P. Smythe a blonde haired, wide faced nerd who was a man of few words. While Smythe was not as popular or iconic as Newman, he still has his place in the hearts of those who grew up reading his magazine. Cracked didn’t have much in the way of merchandise besides a stuffed doll and some paperbacks. Some of Cracked’s other highlights included Shut Ups, The Uggly Family, Talking Blob, Sagebrush and busty sexy female reporter Nanny Dickering. 

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So I am sure you’re wondering after all these years what Magazine am I enjoying at this time in early 2013.  While it’s been hard to pick and each have their charms I still find that Cracked is the one I am enjoying more! Cracked has such a simple silly charm that is still putting a smile on my face making me chuckle. Cracked also was the company that used to release Monster Party and Monsters Attack scary, goofy and spooky stories that pleased the Monster Kid in me. So there you go, a quick look at Mad and Cracked Magazines.

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One other thing I would like to talk about (and I will from time to time as this blog moves forward) is the no budget movies I have made over the years.  So I figured I would start with the short film that started it all, “Teen Suicide” and it’s sequel “Suicide 2.” In 1997, I was a senior at Kettering Fairmont High School, and I hated the school with a passion.  While I had friends, I found that many of the staff were not as nice to strange kids who were into horror films and metal music, making my time at the school a bad experience filled with suspensions and detentions. At the start of the school year, the main principal (who was a cool guy) decided that he was going to put me into the media class to see how well I would do at making movies, TV shows and working as a school DJ on the radio station.  The first time he brought me himself as well accompanied by two security guards making the class wonder if Michael Myers had just been put in a room with them as they sat me away from everyone.  Then they took the teacher KB into the hallway. But with time this was probably the best thing Kettering schools ever did for me as I met some of my nearest and dearest friends in this class. Guys like Dave Wean, Matt Hoffman, Rion Neeley and Brandon Womeldorff all made me feel welcome and showed that they had just as many weird interests as I did. The media class also made it so that the rest of my schedule changed and this put me in a sociology class with Hoffman and Brandon. For one of the the class’ big projects we were to make a video about a subject we picked. Hoffman, Brandon and Myself were joined by Scott Harmon and a kid named Chris as the group and at first we picked serial killers (with my push) but decided to instead make a film based on teenage suicide.  So we all sat around class and the library and began to brain storm what was to become our first film.  This is what not only started Fairmont Productions but more importantly my love of making films! Before this I drew comic books and loved to write stories, but I never thought that I could make my own films.  Boy was I wrong. And the film began production in 1998.

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As we hammered out the ideas and plot of the film, we all were assigned roles as cast and crew. Matt Hoffman was cast as Matt, a teenage boy who is picked on every day of his life by bullies at the school.  The film would follow the last week of his life before he decided suicide was his only way out.  Hoffman was also a co-director. Brandon Womeldorff played The Car Thief and also directed, did some camerawork and edited the film.  The Car Thief was a trench coat wearing bully who got his jollies by car jacking Matt and stealing things like CD’s from him. Scott Harmon played the Kung-Fu Bully, a master of the fighting arts who loved to beat on Matt every chance he could get, and Harmon’s fight scenes with Hoffman in this movie could still be some of the worst ever filmed in Fairmont Media history.  Chris (none of us ever got his last name) just played a Bully in the school hallways who would knock the books out of Matt’s hands and try to stuff his face in the bathroom sink. Chris didn’t do much on this production and in fact was suspended during filming and even for the screening in class. I played a bully who would later be called The Silent Predator, who hung around wooded areas and tried to drown Matt in a stream, and I also did camera work, co-directed and picked most of the film’s soundtrack that was filled with bands like W.A.S.P. , Motley Crue and Pantera. The filming of the flick took place mostly at Fairmont High School but we also filmed at Hoffman’s parents’ house, my parents’ house, behind Woodlane Plaza and State Farm Park. During filming we kept talking about how the film’s end needed to make an impact.  We then decided to make the film silent, all but the moment where Matt would read his suicide note out loud to the audience. Filming took about a week with Brandon and I trading off who ran the camera, a giant Super VHS camcorder that weighed about 20 pounds, and each of us worked out our scenes with Hoffman. Looking back on the production of the film, we sure did torture Hoffman with lots of fake beat ups, being shoved around, making him jump on the back of a moving car, ketchup splattered on his head and the final stunt that still makes Hoffman feel like he was a major Hollywood stuntman (we will get to that shortly), and I must say while at the time he bitched a lot, and I mean a lot, he still was a trooper and went along with the “script”. I remember for my scene we chose to shoot behind Woodlane Plaza in Kettering (the same strip mall location that has Mavericks Cards and Comics and Christopher’s Restaurant as residents) right after a big rain storm making the small stream that runs behind the building deeper and faster.  The scene called for Matt to be walking along the stream as The Silent Predator appears from nowhere and shoves him into the water. On set that day was just Hoffman, myself and Brandon, who was running camera, and we went over the scene a few times and at first Hoffman agreed to be shoved into the water, but after watching the fast moving water rush by he changed his mind and the scene was changed to him almost going in but barely being able to hold on. So we all got into place as I wore a flannel around my waist and a Whitesnake band t-shirt I waited for my big scene.  Boom, my cue hit and a huge smile hit my face as I shuffled into frame and shoved Matt a few times toward the stream, and boom, he hit his cue and that was a wrap. But looking back at the scene, we should have shot it again so I didn’t have that goofy ass smile on my face that looked like David Lee Roth at a strip club! We later talked Hoffman into shooting a scene where it looked like he fell into the water, but it didn’t look right because he had different clothes on and the water speed and level were all wrong.  This deleted scenes has long been lost. But all this was leading up to our big pay off, the end of the film where Matt was to kill himself, and this act was one epic scene.  The final scene’s first part took place at my parents’ house in the kitchen as Matt would write his suicide note and speak the only lines used in the whole film.  Hoffman seemed very moody that day and was very argumentative towards Brandon and I and almost seemed like he was in the zone and on par with what the character Matt was doing. Hoffman sat at the table with a notepad and a pen and began to spout off this suicide note that seemed to mirror some issues he was having in his own personal life.  While I laughed then, I should have really taken the time to chat with my friend after this scene to make sure he was doing okay.  From there we went to a near by K-Mart and bought some ketchup to use as the fake blood and headed to State Farm Park to film the final scene atop a big hill that slopes, covered in rocks, small trees, trash and muck.  That’s when Hoffman who was holding his pellet gun told us he had an idea.  So we hurried and filmed his walk across a bridge to get to the hill and then made our way to the site and as we reached the top that’s when he told us “I am going to fall backwards down the hill when I shoot myself!” Brandon and I laughed and mocked him for his “shocking” stunt.  You see Hoffman at times would say and do outlandish things for attention, and we thought that’s what this stunt was just him running his mouth and not really intending to do what he said, but boy were we wrong.  As we set up the scene and filmed him looking at the gun and then putting it into his mouth, pulling the trigger and falling out of frame, we thought this was a wrap after we did a pick up shot of him on the ground with the “blood” on his head.  Then Hoffman sat up and said, “you ready to film me falling down the hill?”  Brandon and I looked at each other and gave a fuck yeah and went down the hill to film this epic scene. As we set up the shot and got the right angle Hoffman sat at the edge of the hill with his back towards us.  We could tell he was second guessing his stunt and seemed like he was now thinking of a way to get out of it. After some coaching and name calling, Hoffman pulled off the stunt and fell backwards down the hill, loosing control of his fall for a moment but catching himself before he got to hurt, making all my group of friends dubbing that hill Suicide Hill. We squeezed the “blood” onto his head and got the last shot of the film.

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For days Brandon edited the film on the AVID system, putting time and care into each scene, I sat with him many times as he worked, other days our pal Rion did. When it was done, Brandon asked Hoffman and myself to watch it in one of the editing rooms, and we all were taken aback by how good the film was.  Looking at it now, I am still proud of the film even with all its flaws and honor it as the first film I ever worked on. Then the day of the class showing happened, and our teacher made us come up and tell the other students what our film was about.  Scott Harmon and I took that job and rushed a quick introduction, and the lights went out.  The film started and had Matt walking down a school hallway in slow motion as the Bush song “In A Lonely Place” played, and we thought we had them. As the film ended and the credits rolled to Motley Crue’s” You’re All I Need,” Brandon and Hoffman stood in front of the class to answer questions about the film or what we learned about teen suicide.  Our classmates seemed stunned by what they had seen, and the only question we got was, “was that Pantera that played when he shot himself?”.  And then it happened; Hoffman said he had a confession to the class, and as everyone got quite he then proclaimed that he had tried to kill himself in the past and ran from the room, as the teacher and students looked on stunned.  Brandon was in the front of the classroom like a deer caught in headlights! While Teen Suicide was not a hit with our peers, a year later in 1999 Brandon wanted to make a sequel that was bigger, longer and filled with dialogue! The film’s plot had Matt (once more played by Hoffman) waking up after his suicide attempt and learning that he could not die and had been given a second chance to get revenge on the bullies who tormented him. Brandon returned as The Car Thief.  Scott Harman came back as Kung-Fu Bully and had yet another stinker of a fight with Hoffman, this time in the school’s radio station.  I returned as The Silent Predator who in this one seemed more demonic and acted almost as the ring leader, and we added Dave Wean as a Crazy Bully, Rion Neeley as the Roof Top Bully, Dan Salter as the Skateboard Bully and Linda Webb as Matt’s girlfriend who is cheating on him with the Car Thief. The film was filled with one Matt beat down after another, until he finally got his revenge on all those who tormented him and having his end battle with me in the woods of Hill’s and Dales Park as a red light shinned on us. Matt at the end of this one blows himself up with a self made bomb. While this film was a favorite to play at the group’s parties, to me just lacked the charm of the original and for the most part was more of a generic action film then a film with a message. When we left high school and continued making movies, we dropped Fairmont Productions and became Independent B Movie (a gathering of many production companies) and began selling our films on VHS at horror conventions like Cinema Wasteland in Strongsville and Fright Vision.  Teen Suicide and Suicide 2 sold pretty well. Years later Suicide 1-2 would hit DVD and match the sales of the VHS. Independent B Movie was riding high, not only the founders (Brandon, Hoffman, Myself) were making movies but so were Josh Weinberg, Dave Wean, Jason Gilmore, Patrick Neeley and my brother Bryan, making this tiny no budget film company seem like something special. We did start a Suicide 3 many, many years back but production slowed when turmoil in the group of film makers started to slow things down, but that’s another story.

Teen Suicide VHS

Now for a little horror host spotlight:  In March of 2007, the late night viewers of Kenosha, WI got their blood chilled by a show called Nightmare Cinema hosted by a Werewolf named Uncle Wolfman, who every full moon is locked in an abandoned TV station in the middle of nowhere on Bray Road by his vampire friend Vampiro. To kill time Wolfman shows a bad b-movie, a classic cartoon and TV show episode and waits out his curse in the station that is clearly haunted. Uncle Wolfman is your classic Lon Chaney Jr. style werewolf who speaks with a twisted snarl and raspy voice, drawing you in with every word. His style is very classic and each episode has it’s own mark and facts. Fans of horror host shows from the 60’s and 70’s should check his show out! I first heard of the Uncle Wolfman via the website Horror Host Graveyard and after seeing an episode or two I quickly became a fan. As of 2013 the show is still going strong.

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I took the chance on a full moon night and called the old station’s #, got a ring and an answer from Uncle Wolfman himself, and he was nice enough to answer some questions for you my readers. So with this let’s get onto “5 Questions For The Wolfman”!

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Me – So how is it being stuck in a haunted abandoned TV station every full moon?

Wolfman – Being stuck has to do with my temptation to feed.  So, Vampiro and I have an agreement; Vampiro guards me during the full moon by locking me up. In return, I guard Vampiro’s tomb during the day.  However, Vampiro occasionally forgets to feed me, so I order a pizza, and get the delivery driver as an appetizer.

 Me – What is your favorite film you have shown on your show?

Wolfman – I don’t know if I have a favorite movie from those we can show. I suppose that, being a Mantan Noreland fan, I like King of the Zombies, schlocky as it is. My true loves are the classic TV. We recently had an old episode of “Suspense,” featuring a rare television appearance by Bela Lugosi in an adaptation of Edgar Allen Poe’s, “The Cask of Amontilado, and there was an episode of “Tales of Tomorrow,” called “Ahead of His Time,” which starred Boris Karloff. But I suppose my favorite was a cartoon episode from “The Milton the Monster show–the only one I know of in the public domain– called, “Zelda the Zombie.”

 Me – Who are the hosts that inspired you to become a horror host?

Wolfman – I only ever really watched Dr. Kadaverino (Jack LaBlond) on WITI chanel 6, Milwuakee, who was the only one on when I was very young. Later came the Original Svengoolie, Jerry Bishop, and later Son of Svengoolie, Rich Koz, both starting out on WFLD channel 32, Chicago (Son of Sven’s now just Svengoolie, on WCIU, Chicago and METV nationwide).

 Me – Growing up did you read comic books? If so, who is your favorite superhero?

Wolfman – I read many comics as a kid, from Archie to Sad Sack; I really liked the EC magazines, with Tales from the Crypt, The Witching Hour, all of those. I also like the Hulk, Thor and Conan the Barbarian–of which I still have all the comics, mags, graphic novels and the original stories by Robert E. Howard, which I reread from time to time.

 Me – If you could run with a werewolf pack from a horror film or TV show who would you run with?

Wolfman – Serious attempts at TV show werewolves suck. I wouldn’t run with any of those wannabes. Besides, if Uncle Wolfman really wanted to run with a pack, he wouldn’t suffer being locked-up three days a month.

 Me – Thanks Uncle Wolfman for taking your time and answering these questions.

But enough of wrestling, Tammy Lynn Sytch, Danzig,THQ, Remco, Cracked, Mad, Ben Cooper, Teen Suicide and Woolworths, let’s get down to Marvel Comics “The Saga of Crystar” 11 issue run! Remember: I grade these on a standard 1-4 star rating and am looking at how well the comic keeps to the source material, its entertainment value, its art and story. This review is thanks to a team up of Mavericks Cards and Comics, Bell, Book & Comic, 2nd and Charles, Half Priced Books and Amazon. And remember these reviews will have spoilers.

crystar 1

 The Saga Of Crystar # 1  *** 1/2

Released in 1983   Cover Price $2.00    Marvel Comics #1 of 11

Prince Crystar and his brother Moltar rule the kingdom of Crystallium together after their father, the king, was killed in a battle that pits their side (The Order) against the evil of the Chaos. While both share the power, it’s clear that the kingdom respects Crystar more, causing the brothers to have a little rivalry. Lavour is Crystar’s girlfriend and her servant girl Ambara has a crush on the prince as well, but his best friend Warbow has a crush on the servant girl.  The Kingdom’s wizard Ogeode comes to the Princes and warns them that evil is coming and that this time he will be powerless to stop it.  When Zardeth, an evil wizard, enters the castle the seeds are planted, and the brothers have a fight leaving Crystar dead.  His brother Moltar takes over and steals Lavour! But things are not all good as Moltar and his new followers embrace The Choas and become living lava men, and Crystar is brought back to life and his followers are turned into living Crystal.  This leads to a war between the brothers that leaves Moltar’s ego bruised and Stalax with a life threating crack in his crystal body. Crystar hooks up with Ambara as Warbow is heart broken and even looses an eye to Zardeth who shoots him with an arrow! 

This is a great way to kick off a comic book series that is attached to a toy line and really serves as the back story of the characters. Crystar comes off as a likeable and nobel hero who has pride in his family, kingdom and friends and has almost a mix of Prince Valiant and King Arthur feel to him. You get the vibe from this first issue that Crystar will fight to the death to defend his kingdom. His men that include Warbow, Koth, Kalibar and Stalax are all given time tolet their personalities shine. Ambara, who is the love of Crystar, is shown to be a sweetheart who would do anything for her Prince. Feldspar, Uncle to both Crystar and Moltar, is an interesting character as he choices no side and takes both sides curses on himself (top half crystal bottom half lava) to show he respects both nephews.  I hope he is fleshed out more in the series’ in coming issues. Moltar is a man filled with jealousy and is easily fooled by the evil ways of Zardeth and then manipulated by the bitch Lavour. This is a solid comic that really flushes out all the characters and makes me look forward to reading issue 2. The art work is okay, but I wish it was a little better.  It’s odd that the ad art for the Remco toys looks better. The cover is amazing and very eye catching for the time and would surely draw in fans of Conan, Kull and Masters of the Universe. 

crystar 2

The Saga Of Crystar # 2  ***

Released in 1983   Cover Price .60   Marvel Comics #2 of 11

Crystar is not pleased when he finds that his uncle Feldspar has removed him from the throne and is now acting as King to the kingdom until he and his brother work out their feud.  Meanwhile Moltar and Lavour are being fired up by Zardeth who wants them to get revenge on Crystar and take the kingdom by force and sends a team of lava men to kill him who in turn fail. Stalax is dying, and Crystar and friends must travel to get Ika, the daughter of Ogeode, who in turn becomes living crystal herself to learn of the secrets of the process.  When Crystar thinks the young woman is in pain, he goes in after her and both disappear.

This second issue is more about Crystar wanting to do the right thing and the brooding ways of Moltar who still thinks he is getting the shaft by not ruling the kingdom. Ika is an interesting character who gives her self to the mirror that transforms flesh to crystal showing that she is loyal to saving human life. Ogeode is kind of a dick in this issue as he forces his daughter to do this heroic act all so he can learn the secrets of the crystal without having to forever be changed. While the Crystar storyline is pretty good, I felt Moltar was not used well in this issue and almost seemed to much like a snot nosed kid who lost his video games for a month. Over all this is a good follow up issue that has better art work and a pretty cool cover.  So far I like where this series is going.

crystar 3 The Saga Of Crystar # 3  ***

Released in 1983    Cover Price .60    Marvel Comics #3 of 11

Crystar and Ika find themselves in modern New York in the home of Doctor Strange and his butler Wong and are confused by this new world filled with so many things they have never seen. Meanwhile back in Crystallium, Ogeode alongside Koth and Kalibar travel in the portal to find the missing prince and also end up in Doctor Strange’s study. While Doctor Strange and the goofball Ogeode try to find a way to send the warriors back home, Moltar sends Lava Men through a portal.  They also end up in Strange’s house and after a quick fight, they find their way home to Warbow, Ambara and the recovering Stalax.

This was a cool way to tie into the rest of the Marvel Universe.  Crystar and his crystal warriors once more come off a nobel fighters, as Warbow’s secret crush is still in the air as he looks at Ambara. Moltar once more acts as a general and sends flunkies to attack his brother. Ogeode is as brain dead and scattered as ever as Ika shows she is down to help The Order. I am not a huge Doctor Strange fan and only found myself liking the character when he appeared in other comics like Spider-Man or Man-Thing and in the very terrible yet fun 1978 made for TV movie.  So I actually find him a perfect fit for the myth and legend that this series is building for Crystar. Here’s hoping that Crystar and Moltar will meet again in a battle in the next issue to see which brother is better. The art work is good again and has the same style as the last issue, but this time I’m not a super fan of the cover. With that let’s jump into issue # 4.

crystar 4

The Saga Of Crystar # 4  **1/2

Released in 1983   Cover Price .60    Marvel Comics #4 of 11

A father is telling his children a bedtime story about Crystar and Moltar and how they each became the warriors they are now.  He also goes a little into the back stories of Crystar’s friends like Warbow and Koth and shows that Moltar has called a meeting with Crystar and his Uncle Feldspar to speak of the unfair way he has been treated.  Moltar doesn’t understand why Crystar and his men get to stay in the kingdom but he and his followers have been pushed out, and if they are to smooth things over they must be even. Feldspar thinks about this matter and decides it’s only fair that Crystar and his men must also leave the Kingdom and are asked to leave by dawn.  Mad about this decision, they still agree to leave. In the end the father is Kalibar telling his own children this story on the night he must leave the Kingdom

This issue is good and solid, and I do like what they did for the twist ending.  Crystar is a little more bullheaded this time around and challenges his uncle’s word over the peace offering his evil lava brother is pitching. In this one, Moltar is just what I love to see in my comic bad guys: a smart brain and the ego of a mastermind. Plus we get a little more of the Warbow loves his best friends girl storyline as well as a little more background on Koth and Stalax. The art is good; the cover is bland.  While this is not the best issue in the series thus far, it still was a good read. 

crystar 5

The Saga Of Crystar # 5  ** 1/2

Released in 1984   Cover Price .60   Marvel Comics #5 of 11

 Crystar is in the Marvel office as the comics editor and writing staff try to figure out a good story for issue 5.  When he is finally taken into his world he is set to meet with Moltar and his uncle. Everyone leaves besides Ika and Stalax who try to use a spell to send the lava people far away from the Kingdom but instead bring the Chaos’ base to the Kingdom. Moltar and Crystar can’t agree on much except that Zardeth and Warbow need to stop fighting and that the base needs to be moved back to its right place. Zardeth teams with Ogeode, and together they use magic to set things right.

This issue starts out dumb, and the whole editor’s office thing is mind numbing.  But once we get back into the comic story line, it picks up. Crystar plays a big part in this story as does his girl’s love for him. Ika steps up in the issue and seems to be filled with rage over The Order being kicked out of the kingdom and wants to use her magic to rid them of The Chaos. Moltar comes off as a badass leader who has his wizard in check and a plan to take over the kingdom. As I said it starts off bad, but becomes pretty good by the midway mark. The art is good, and the cover is good making this issue an average read.

crystar 6

The Saga Of Crystar # 6  ***

Released in 1984    Cover Price .60    Marvel Comics #6 of 11

Nightcrawler of the mutant team the X-Men visits his girlfriend who is a part-time practicing witch, who felt a disturbance earlier and used her crystal ball to open a portal.  When Nightcrawler uses his teleaport ability in the apartment, he is sent to Crystallium where he is spotted by Stalax who thinks that he is a demon sent by the Chaos. Nightcrawler flees the scene and stumbles into the base of Moltar who as well thinks he has been sent to join him in his battle against his brother. Crystar and his men go looking for this demon, and Ika sneaks into Moltar’s base and hears them speaking of this “demon’s” arrival.  She is caught by Zardeth and Moltar who are going to kill her until Nightcrawler steps in and stops them.  Crystar and crew arrive to save her and befriend the mutant. In the end Ika sends him back to Earth where his girlfriend awaits.

Yet another fun adventure that adds a popular main stream Marvel character to the storyline. Nightcrawler fits in pretty well, but unlike the Doctor Strange appearance, this one seems to be more focused on the guest hero than on the book’s main hero, Crystar, who seems to have not much to do in this issue besides search for Ika and briefly chat with his Uncle. Moltar also doesn’t do much besides welcome his new “friend” and capture Ika. Though Lavour is given a little more in this issue, she comes of as a flirt as she tries to get info from Nightcrawler all the while hitting on him. Over all this is a fun crossover issue that really adds nothing to the main story arc but makes for a fun read.  The art is good, and the cover is so-so.  So let’s see if issue 7 explores the mian story more.

crystar 7

The Saga Of Crystar # 7  **1/2

Released in 1984   Cover Price .60   Marvel Comics #7 of 11

The Kingdom is under attack by Malachon and his hill men, and they plan on killing as many people as possible including Kalibar’s wife and kids.  Crystar and his men are told of this attack by Ogeode who sees it in a vision, and they come to the aid of the Kingdom, chasing off the hill men and helping the wounded. All the while Moltar, Lavour and Zardeth watch and plot a way to use Feldspar’s anger to their advantage as he scolds Crystar for coming into the Kingdom. Ogeode & Ika take Crystar and his men across the ocean to their hometown to get answers of why his uncle is acting so oddly, and Moltar strikes a deal with Malachon and his men to become living rock and fight on their side!

 This issue is packed with fighting of sorts as the Hill Men are made look like weak fools to Crystar and his men, and Malachon has an almost Jim Jones thing going as I could see his people drinking poisoned Kool-Aid if he ordered them to. But I’m honestly not sure whether he’s really needed in this issue.  He almost seems like he is just thrown into this mix to add more action and to have more butts for Crystar to kick, but we shall see where the character goes in the next issue. You feel bad for Ika, whose boyfriend in her home town turns on her because of her new crystal appearance, and her father acts as if she has not all ready made sacrifices to help The Order. Speaking of the Wizard’s hometown, not much is flushed out yet and I am not sure what to think of the Warrior Woman Shen who appears to be in charge. This issue is clearly used to build up the next issue that could be the huge battle we have all been waiting for. With that let’s get onto issue 8! Oh yeah, the art is still good, and the cover is pure cheese.

crystar 8

The Saga Of Crystar # 8 **1/2

Released in 1984   Cover Price .60   Marvel Comics #8 of 11

Crystar is troubled by an old memory of a time when the first war was going on, long before he and his brother were at war and long before they were transformed. The memory sends him into a day of mourning every year over the day his friend Captain Heyatt was killed while helping them fight a giant sea monster and chaos demons.  It’s also the day Koth lost his true love in the same battle. It’s also a day of mourning for Moltar, who’s sad over the loss of his friend. While Crystar tells his friends of this day, Ogeode is in a meeting with his fellow hometown council members.

This is a filler issue and once more adds backstory but nothing to the main story line of this comic series. The way Heyatt dies is stuff straight from old sword and sandal films and could easily be the death of Steve Reeves’ friend in some bad Hercules film, as he takes a thrown spear to the gut. Meanwhile, the new bad warrior Malachon who is transformed at the end of last issue is nowhere in sight! Ika and her boyfriend still have some beef with one another, and Moltar cries at the end for his lost friend from years ago. This issue also reminds me of Clash of The Titans for some reason.  I am sure it has to do with the giant sea monster. The art is okay and in some spots looks dull.  The cover is a step up from the last several.  Now that another filler issue is done, let’s hope they get back into the storyline, and we can see some sort of payoff coming. 

crystar 9

The Saga Of Crystar # 9  **1/2

Released in 1984 Cover Price .60 Marvel Comics #9 of 11

Ogeode is speaking to the Council of The Order about the war that is about to break out and tells his fellow townspeople that they need to help Crystar and his men in this battle when things go south.  The people are not sold on helping the men made of crystal. The Crystal men go around and speak of returning home when the acting King Feldspar shows up and wants to speak to the council of peace talks between the feuding brothers. But the peace talks are fake as Feldspar is really just Zardeth and the guards are Hill Warriors and Lava men.  They attack and kill many of the Council people until Crystar and his men show up and chase them off. Crystar also has a stare down with Malachon before the leader of the hill men retreats. In the end the Council decides to help, and Ika’s boyfriend Beek is turned into living Crystal.

This issue is the final straw for Crystar to go back and reclaim his thrown and stomp Chaos back into the hell pit from which it came. Zardeth and Malachon both show how cold blooded they are as they slaughter many unarmed men, and seem proud of their actions. At this point in the series you are at a fever pitch to have The Warriors of The Order stop the Chaos Warriors, and after every set up and every innocent death, this fever gets higher. Plus at this point in the series you also find yourself wondering why Feldspar is acting the way he is and wonder if he really doesn’t want his nephews to work things out because he is enjoying being king. As far as Crystar, at this point you can see a bullheaded hero who is shaping up to be one hell of a good king.  As for his brother Moltar, you get the fact he is second guessing his turn to the dark side but he still thinks he is the best choice to lead his people. With only two more issues to go ,the War to settle the score is now on! The art is good, and the cover is all right.  Let’s get ready to rumble with issue 10.

crystar 10

The Saga Of Crystar # 10  ***

Released in 1984 Cover Price .60 Marvel Comics #10 of 11

Moltar is not pleased about the attack that left many council members dead and hates the fact that both Zardeth and Malachon seem to have enjoyed the bloodshed. Crystar and his crew decide to go back home to try and end this war.  He confronts his uncle Feldspar about the throne.  Crystar agrees to step down but he also says that Chaos will not rule the Kingdom. As Crystar leaves the Kingdom, his crew tell him that they will fight by his side to bring down the Lava Men and The Hill People. Crystar’s brave warriors include his girlfriend, the Wizard Ogeode, his daughter Ika and her boyfriend Beek, Warrior Woman Shen and finally the Crystal Warriors Warbow, Koth, Kalibar and Stalax.  To his surprise, the local villagers call to arms and join Crystar’s army just in time as the warriors of Chaos come in from the sky and start a battle that leaves Koth missing and believed to be dead as he protects Ambara from attackers. In the end The Chaos Warriors retreat, and the warriors of Order mourn their friend and plan for an all out war.

This issue has it all: a thick good storyline that is an amazing build up for the final issue, Crystar finally reaching his breaking point and wanting his Kingdom to be happy and wanting to end the evil of The Chaos.  The shock of a member of the Order team missing and thought to be dead adds the drama, not to mention it also shows that at this point Moltar is loosing the respect of Zardeth and Malachon who both seem to mock him for not joining in on battles and how week his Lava Men are. It also shows how hotheaded Beek is and how he even seems to take an attitude with Crystar about what he thinks is right and wrong, not to mention the fact he is crystal now makes him a strong ally to have in this war even if he is an ass. Over all this is a great issue filled with a solid storyline, shocking drama and some butt kicking action. The art is well done and while in some spots seems a little rushed, it still looks good.  The cover on the other hand is just so-so and highlights the two lead warrior females Shen and Ika. Can’t wait to see how this saga ends and here is hoping for a great ending.

crystar 11

The Saga Of Crystar # 11  **1/2

Released in 1985   Cover Price $1.00   Marvel Comics #11 of 11

Koth is not dead and is now a prisoner of Chaos warriors who plan on sacrificing him to the Hills once they get some information. Moltar starts to have second thoughts about his turn to evil and even has his girlfriend Lavour second guessing it as he doesn’t want to see his one time friend killed. Crystar and his men are gearing up to take the fight to The Chaos when by accident Ogeode brings in members of Alpha Flight from Earth that include Puck, Shaman and Northstar who decide to fight on the side of good! All this happens after Crystar butts heads with his uncle who is still trying to not pick a side. Moltar goes to Koth and asks him to please share some info so that his death will be quick and gets the cold shoulder leaving him pissed and lost for a direction.  That night Malachon takes Koth to an alter and is about to kill him when the warriors of Order show up and the final war begins! Crystar gets his revenge on Malachon as a member of The Order looses his life being a hero (who you ask, well you should read it to find out). In the end Zardeth is taken down as Moltar and Lavour turn on Chaos and rejoin the brothers, but before the evil wizard dies he takes away the curse of Moltar so that he can never touch his love Lavour again as she is left as a lava person. So the brothers are reconnected, and the Kingdom will now live on happy and chaos free.

This was a fun journey that had an almost rushed ending.  While the end is good, it could have been a hell of a lot better. The good turn for Moltar seems rushed this issue, and the fact they turned him back human shows that after this series, they didn’t have a plan for Crystar to ever return. Moltar was a great bad guy that at times was not used they way he should have been.  In many issues he seems to take a back seat to the evil wizard Zardeth and even the crude Hill leader Malachon. The fact that we never see the brothers in their new forms truly fight is kind of a let down and makes the build up to this final war a let down. Crystar is a great hero and really transforms as you keep reading by the end of this series he reminded me of so many iconic sci-fi heros like Luke Skywalker, Conan The Barbarian and even Optimus Prime in the fact he was strong willed, believed in the right thing and was noble and loyal to his friends and people. One storyline that I wished would have been fleshed out was the Warbow loving Ambara plot that seemed to fall flat the farther we got into the series. Plus, I would have liked to see a little more of Warbow’s as he clearly was Crystar’s best friend. All of Crystar’s warriors and friends were likeable and fun characters besides Beek who really was an ass most of the issues he was in and treated Ika like dirt if she did something he didn’t like. The guest heros in the last issue were a waste.  You could have taken the Alpha Flight goons out of the issue, and they would have not been missed.  They strike out with them but hit homeruns with Doctor Strange and Nightcrawler. The series as a whole is amazing stuff and is worth the read.  It’s was a great way to build up these characters that were created to sell toys that kids had no clue to who or what they were. Marvel should have given this series a little longer to grow, and they should have not rushed the last issue when they built up this payout to be a blow out of good vs. evil. Sadly as of early 2013, Marvel has not done anything with Crystar and company besides put him on a cover as a zombie for one of the Marvel Zombies miniseries. Going into this series, I had very limited knowladge of the character besides a few of the toys I had in my youth and now after reading this series I wish I would have done so much earlier because Crystar would have been a toy and comic series I would have collected then. 

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Man, this was a long update!  I had a lot to talk about from toys to horror hosts to video games to independent movies.  This update was filled to the brim with retro and nerd goodness. So next update we might take it a little smaller as we take a look at Blue Water Comics series for horror film Leprechaun for Saint Patrick’s Day! So see you then for the all green and gold coin loving good time.

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The Wonderful World of Warlock Home Video

While I decide about the next update, Crystar or horror video games, let’s take a look at a filmmaker friend of mine.  Chris Seaver is a low budget filmmaker from Rochester New York who has not only been a friend of mine for over 11 years but is also one of the people who inspired me to keep making films.  I first heard about Chris Seaver way back in 2001 when my brother Bryan and Andy Copp went to a horror film convention.  While there they met a low/no budget film maker named Chris Seaver who sold his films on VHS.  So my brother, being the cool guy he is, bought me one of the films knowing that I love watching a good shot on video film as well as making one. He returned home with many cool things for me that included a VHS of a film called “Friday The 13th Halloween Night” by a company called LBP (Low Budget Pictures).  The film was about a group of kids having a Halloween party as Jason Voorhees (Friday The 13th) and Michael Myers (Halloween) murder and battle it out to see who is king of the slaughter, only for both to be outsmarted by the host of the party who sends them both to Hell.  The film was packed with over the top acting and some fun backyard gore effects, and I found myself becoming a fan of this silly little flick and showing it to friends like Josh Weinberg, Brandon Womeldorff and Jason Gilmore, telling them this is the fun kind of film we should be making. After a few weeks, I found the director Chris Seaver’s email address on his company’s website and wrote to him telling him how much I enjoyed his film.  Then told him about the films I had directed Werewolf of Ohio 1-2 never expecting much back besides a generic “oh thanks, here are some other films I made you should buy em,” but what I got back instead was a down to earth response taking the time to thank me for watching it and mostly talking about my films and how he would like to see them.  After chatting via email for months, a horror convention called Fright Vision was coming close to town and Seaver was going to be there and told me that my crew of guys (Independent B Movie) should go and sell some of our films.  We all talked about it as a group and decided it was a great idea and hurried and made VHS copies of our films Teen Suicide, Suicide 2, Twisted Batman, Werewolf of Ohio and Werewolf of Ohio 2, and lucky for us Andy Copp, my brother and Dr. Creep had got a table to sell hard to find films and Shock Theater merchandise and shared a small section with us.  Our crew was Dave Wean, Sarah Yates and myself, and we had a blast meeting celebs like David Carradine, Donald Shanks, Bill Chapman, Lilith Stabbs and Robert Z’Dar, but most important to me was the time I got to hang out with Seaver who bought copies of my films and spent the weekend talking about productions and pushing me to make more films. The weekend was a bust for sales but the experience was amazing, and Seaver’s words that weekend made him a friend for life.  Seaver and I remain friends to this day, and I still am a fan of his work.

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The main reason for this update is to showcase Seaver’s new company WARLOCK HOME VIDEO, but in order to do that we must start with his roots at Low Budget Pictures or LBP as fans call it.

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Chris Seaver began making films at the tender age of seven when he begged his parents for a camcorder for Christmas ’84 and quickly began making mini epic films with friends. Low Budget Pictures officially began in 1991 with the film Commando Kids, and grew into a cult film company in no time with films like Anal Paprika, Scrotal Vengeance, Mulva Zombie Asskicker, Flilthy Mcnasty, and From Almost Night Till Almost Day. LBP became so popular that companies like Tempe Home Video and SRS Cinema started to pick up and release titles that were coming out.  LBP was running like a well oiled machine and had many films released every year that entertained with in your face humor and over the top characters. But like all good rides this zany film company came to an end in 2011 when Seaver decided it was time to walk away and start fresh, and boy did he! When speaking to Seaver I found out that is favorite film from the LBP years was Geek War, a film about a high priced VHS tape at a comic book shop that starts a war between geeks who must own it and impress a local hot chick. This film is closely followed by The Heather and Puggly series that follows two twisted sisters who fight the devil among other baddies. Some of my favorite films from the company include Deathbone, a funny barbarian spoof film that combines all the silly elements of Conan, Deathstalker and Beastmaster.  I also like Scrotal Vengeance, a vampire film about Razor McBleed and an unlikely vampire hunter, and Carnage For The Destroyer, a film about a viking rock god coming back to kill a group of friends at a haunted house. This small write up for LBP could not give this company the epic amount of time I could spend talking about them but for now it will have to do, cause we have a Reading Rainbow date with a Warlock!

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But before we meet The Warlock, we should take a few moments and talk about LBP’s most iconic character and all around #1 primate that all the chicks dig, Teen Ape! Teen Ape is a walking talking ape man, who has the attitude of a 70’s pimp and the foul mouth of a docked sailer.  He not only fights crime but also has time to make it with the ladies and even smack them around a little. Anal Paprika 2 was his first full film appearance, and he was more toned down and was more of a breakdancing hero who didn’t even talk.  But what many fans may not know is that in 1991 Teen Ape made his first ever appearance in a short film called “I Was A Teenage Ape” that is locked in the vaults of LBP and has not been seen by the fans and never will! In his many film adventures Teen Ape has fought vampires, goblins, zombies, demons and even Mulva in a sword fight! Teen Ape’s final public fim appearance was in 2007 in the film Wet Heat where he is sent in to save the president of show business from a post apocalyptic gang of weirdos, but his real final flick was one produced by Troma in 2009 that is sitting in their vault called “Teen Ape vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse” in which Teen Ape teams with many more LBP favorite characters as the fight a resurrected Hitler and his new army. But good news for Teen Ape fans like me, Seaver has talked about doing a new film that’s 100% fan funded called “Teen Ape: Balls Deep.”  So if you’re looking at wanting to help Teen Ape come back to your home TV screens then you should help donate to the films budget at http://www.warlockhomevideo.com/projects.html.

-1Now it’s time to dive into the world of shot on video horror and flash back to walking down the horror aisle of your favorite video rental store checking out the amazing VHS cover art for films with titles like “Igor and The Lunatics”, “Don’t Look in The Basement” and “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” and then reading the back of the boxes with descriptions telling you just how epic the film you could be renting is. Nothing can take away those memories of the horror section at places like K&L Video, Accent Video, West Coast Video and even Blockbuster and renting films on the weekend and watching them with friends or my brother and finding gems among laugh out loud turkeys. VHS Horror films will always have a special place in my heart.  Not only in my teens did I have one massive horror tape collection but I used to also have a yearly event called “Horror Movie Marathon” that had me and friends watching horror films all day and night! One of the first Marathons I ever held was at my parents basement (aka Independent B Movie Studios) and early that morning Brandon Womeldorff and I drove around to second hand media stores Replay Media and Second Time Around and bought tons of cheesy horror films on VHS stuff like Demonoid Messenger Of Death, Terror on Tour, Devils Gift, Christmas Evil to name a few and then bought tons of potato chips, cookies and pop and invited over Matt Hoffman, Josh Weinberg, Jason Gilmore and Dave Wean and we all sat up all night eating junk food and watching bad horror films, oh the good old days. No matter how much the world tries to tell me Netflix and streaming movies will never take the place of late night tape/dvd switching with a group of your closest friends. VHS holds a lot of magic for many people my age not only with rentals it also sparked the boom of shot on VHS horror films that swept the nation when camcorders became more available to the masses and falling into the hands of people who just wanted to make their own movies. While many were bad their was an equal amount that were fun watching experiences. And for those who long for the days of amazing shot on Video Horror films, one company has come to the rescue and unleashed the flood gates of retro and nostalgia VHS goodness and thats Warlock Home Video!

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After the closing of LBP a little over a year went by and the Seaver camp was quite the fans had no news of a new Teen Ape, Bonejack or Deathbone adventure…all we got was quite time. Then in 2012 the TV screen lights shone as news of a new retro shot on video company was opening up (or is that back up?) and that the company was releasing titles both on DVD and VHS! At first a character called E.W Swackhammer appeared as the one time owner of Warlock who wanted to bring back the glory days of 80’s and 90’s shot on video films and into the hands of fans the world over, but he quickly went to the waste side as it was clear as day that this company was the brain child of Chris Seaver with the help of The Warlock (a hooded mastermind of the macabre) they set out for VHS domination! At launch they had amazing titles from the past like Death Metal Zombies, Evil Night and Amerikill and then also had some new retro style films with Death O’Lantern and Die-B-Que, and fans ate these titles up buying them on both VHS and DVD! Warlock traveled around the convention circuit and had films not only for sale but also screening, spreading their message. Many titles were to follow some new retro shot and many original old school flicks marking this companies spot in VHS collecting history. In 2013, they plan on not slowing down and when speaking to Seaver we got a little sneak peek at whats to come with titles like Phantom of the Grind House, Blood From A Minotaurs Skull, Sexsquatch 2, Death O Lantern 2, Dracula Vs Frankenstein and more retro titles are planned the coming years seem promising for fans of shot on video epics! Oh and one other thing I should say is that the cover art for Warlock releases are top notch and some amazing stuff, so make sure to take a look at them as well.

Before we take a look at the films released by Warlock, I had the chance to speak to The Warlock himself and ask five questions….and no more, for he is a busy man looking through the vaults filled with old VHS & Beta tapes and unused scripts, and trying to pick the best ones to bring to the fans. So with this in mind let’s call this “5 Questions With The Warlock” and begin shall we? 

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Me: How Does it feel to be back, after Warlock’s long hiatus from distribution of films?

Warlock: After being unearthed from my crypt, I felt putrid, wretched and full of maggots. As for the release of the films it felt like bringing a former deceased lover back from the grave!

 Me: What are your three favorite films that have come out so far during Warlock’s rebirth?

Warlock: I cannot choose my favorite. It is like choosing your favorite way to die. They all are delightful. If I must choose I would have to say Die B Que because it was our earliest effort, Death O Lantern because it really captured the spirit of the season, and Sexsquatch because I am the star.

Me: So what do you think about this new interest in shot on video films and VHS collecting?

Warlock: I feel that VHS collecting is the most brutal of all hobbies. It is not for the weak at heart. Everything old becomes new again at some point in time.

Me: So what do you know of Teen Ape?

Warlock: I know that he is an enigma. A man of few words and all action. quite possibly the only mere mortal capable of being on the same level of brutality and carnage as the Warlock.

Me: What do you see in the future for Warlock? And can you give us any sneak peek of any upcoming titles?

Warlock: The Warlock does not divulge and secrets from his future. As far as future titles, keep up to date with upcoming releases at www.warlockhomevideo.com.

So after those brutal answers form the master of the macabre, The Warlock, let’s take a look at the films of Warlock Home Video! I will give each film’s plot a quick write up, tell you a little about the killer, compare it to some other films and tell you the director. So let’s get ready to dive into the wild world of shot on video films!

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Evil Night (1994)

Jimmy is a geek who is being picked on by the cool kids led by Peter, who on the night of his big party plays a mean prank on Jimmy that leaves him humiliated and injured thanks mostly to Jennifer who is the bait and is the one who leads him to his head trauma.  Jimmy returns home and with his chem set decides to make a toxic drink that will make him slip into madness and make him ready to get REVENGE on all those who have made him the fool and the butt of jokes. But revenge does come with a price when your main target is as smart as you. The killer is Jimmy a crazed drugged up nerd who is wearing a long black rode and a giant smiling evil clown mask. Fans of films like Slaughter High, Horror High, Prom Night, Toxic Avenger and other films of nerds getting revenge will enjoy this film for the fun back yard splatter effects, over the top acting, and a clown masked killer.  Best Kill is the exploding cigarette that takes off the top of its victim’s head that then splats on the wall! Directed by Todd Jason Cook. 

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Death Metal Zombies (1995)

A small town is being stalked by a serial killer wearing a Richard Nixon mask who is killing at random. Brad Masters is a metal head who is in a small band, has a hot blonde girlfriend Angel and is a super fan of the band Living Corpse who is doing a special one of a kind song give away on the radio.  Brad wins the contest and listens to the special song with a few of his friends.  The song has a message in it that turns them all into flesh eating zombies and are ruled by Living Corpse! Now Angel must find away to survive, find a way to save her friends and stop Living Corpse’s plan to destroy the world. The villains in this film are the zombies,Nixon Killer a masked madman who wears a suit and a Richard Nixon mask and Living Corpse a rock band who’s lead singer is some sort of demon. Fans of Toxic Zombies, Hard Rock Zombies and Red Neck Zombies should like this no budget zombie romp for a rocking metal soundtrack, great backyard gore effects, boobs, satanic band members, zombies and a masked killer make this one a fun watch for no budget fans. Best Kill in the movie has a guy get stabbed in the butt as he sits down then has a zombie punch through his chest. Directed by Todd Jason Cook. This is a Chris Seaver recommended film!

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Amerikill (1999)

Woodbridge Valley is a small town that has a killer on the loose called Jester Face! A group of High School friends who are horror film fans and filmmakers are shocked by the killings, and these real life deaths are affecting the group’s next movie when lead actress Natalie starts to question if she should act and watch horror flicks.  And when Jester Face sets his sights on the group of friends, what is to come of them and the group’s next epic shot on video film? The killer in the film, Jester Face, is a white masked killer who wears a jester hat and a long black robe. Fans of Scream, Urban Legend, I Know What You Did Last Summer, My Bloody Valentine and other who’s the killer films should enjoy this flick for its quick wit characters, blazing punk/ska soundtrack, fun backyard gore effects and a fun plot. Best kill is a girl who falls face first into tree limbs while trying to escape the killer and pokes her eye out.  Directed by Chris LaMartina.

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Death O’Lantern (1986/2012)

Sleepy Hollow has a legend about a pumpkin headed killer named Stingy Jack who must steal five more souls before Halloween night after he takes the life of a teen.  Phoebe, a horror fan and her friends from Sleepy Hollow High get the news and are amazed by the death and spend time talking of horror films and death.  As Jack claims more lives, Phoebe finds the truth of his legend and must stop him from freeing himself of his curse by killing six kids and being able to walk the Earth.  But will Phoebe and her horror club be able to stop this supernatural killer or will they just become one on the unlucky six?  The killer in the film is Stingy Jack, a unworldly killer with a pumpkinhead and robe. Fans of Sleep Hollow High, Pumpkinhead, Ernest Scared Stupid and Monster Squad will love this nice throw back film with a fun plot, great one liners, zany characters, top notch retro backyard effects and a cool killer. Best kill in the movie is when Jack rams a lit candle stick through the back of a guys head and it pops out his eye.  Directed by Rudy Bellafonte. This film is recommended by Chris Seaver and Myself!

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Die-B-Que (1986/2012)

Party animals DJ and Rick are throwing a huge BBQ party and have invited all their friends over for some fun times. Moonbeam and her boyfriend Brody are deep in love and don’t really want to be at this get together.  When a sick rat takes a leak in the beer and on the meat at the cook out, the hosts and the rest of the party goers turn into flesh eating zombies! Will the lovebirds escape with their lives? Killers in the film are zombies and an infected rat. Fans of Marion Playhouse Theatre, Frankenstein Stalks and Dr. Freak Vamp Killa will enjoy this film for its on purpose bad acting, silly make up and gore effects and goofy plot. Best kill scene in the movie is when the party guests are infected and puke up nasty green goo and then all die only to return as zombies.  Directed by Jackson Furley. 

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Happy Helladays (1987/2012)

The year is 1987, and 12 year old orphan Alistair is being raised at Omega Pi sorority house and is made fun of by the sisters for his weird appearance with huge pop bottle glasses, greasy slicked back hair, annoying voice and short stature. But things get out of hand on Christmas Eve when the sisters shove a slice of pizza in his face and then boo him off the stage at his Christmas recital. These actions drive the little creep over the edge and he decides that its time for revenge as murder is his answer to his bullying. How many PI sisters will live and will his mother Nikki be able to stop his rampage?  Killer Alistair is a short nerd kid with huge glasses and is wearing a Santa suit. Fans of Silent Night Deadly Night 2, Black Christmas, Christmas Evil and Santa’s Slay will enjoy this flick for its killer holiday theme, creepy weird killer in a Santa suit, funny dialogue, wicked backyard effects and fun soundtrack. Best kill of the movie is when the killer sings in a high pitch making the young woman he is tormenting bleed from her eyes, mouth, ears and nose and then puke up her insides.  Directed by Rudy Bellafonte. This film is recommended by Chris Seaver. 

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Werewolf Of Ohio (1999)

Josh is a young man whose family has been killed by a werewolf called The Wolf Man causing Josh to become obsessed with getting revenge.  So he hires the help of a film student to follow him around and video tape his quest/  He also gets the help of The Wolf Hunter a man who kills werewolves for a living, the spirit of his dead sister who speaks to him via his mind and an all seeing gypsy who knows the secrets of the beast.  While the heroes search for the Wolf Man he spends his time killing townspeople, will Josh and friends be able to stop this blood thirsty monsters rampage or will they become just more victims?  The film’s baddie is The Wolfman, a werewolf who wears flannel and a robe who stays a wolf forever. Fans of Blair Witch Project, The Wolf Man, Silver Bullet and Werewolf will like this film for its classic looking werewolf mask, its found footage style flow, its backyard effects and its hammy acting. Best kill in the movie is when one of the lead characters has his guts ripped out by The Wolf Man. Directed by Matt Brassfield.

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The Dingleberrys (1987/2012)

Phoebe and the Sleepy Hollow High Horror Club are at it again when some unknown object crashes to Earth.  Inside are four nasty little talking turd monsters who kill victims by pooing on them.  Phoebe and friends are not alone when they get the help of a intergalactic bounty hunter named Quasar who is armed with piss shooting pistols. Can they stop these stinky poo monsters or is the whole world going to be a toilet bowl for these nasty little critters? The monsters is the film are four poo monsters all with different looks that range from Woody Allen to a wise Chinese Master. Fans of Ghoulies, Critters, Munchies and Troll will love this film for its tiny puppet creatures, over the top plot, poop jokes, fun Ed Wood like sets and over the top deaths & acting. Best kill in the movies is when the four Dingleberrys attack a goof metal head in his kitchen and poo him up. Directed by Rudy Bellafonte. 

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The Sadness (2006)

A young college girl finds the murdered body of her neighbor and sees the killer exit the house.  The next day she makes the mistake of talking about the killing on her two best friends collage radio show drawing the killer out to of hiding and slaughtering a path of brutal murders to silence them once and for all in the late night hollow hallways of the school. Oh did I mention he films the dead bodies of the females he murders and keeps the tape as a reminder of the act? Will the friends be able to survive the killers rage? The films killer is The Sadness, a tall man who wears all black, wears a red and black mask and a black wig. Fans of See No Evil, Halloween 2 and Cry Wolf will like this film for its creepy late night collage setting, solid backyard gore effects, cheesy acting, boyfriend & girlfriend drama and a 80’s style killer. Best kill in the movie is when The Sadness sneaks into a woman’s house wakes her up and stabs her in the bathtub, then video tapes the aftermath. Directed by Matt Brassfield. 

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Sexsquatch (2012)

Joe is a young man who’s friends and family are throwing a lake party for so that he can loose his virginity and his dream girl Jennifer is his choice. But in the woods around the house lurks Stinkfist, a Sexsquatch from another world who has an appetite for butt rape and murder.  One by one the friends are dying & being raped but the party continues, until Joe and his remaining friends must have a showdown with one horny Stinkfist. Do they stand a chance? Will Joe get laid by Jennifer? And what surprise character joins in the final fight? The killer is Stinkfist a bigfoot like creature who is covered in brown fur and talks like a hip foul mouthed teen. Fans of Night of the Demon, Shriek of the Mutilated, Capture of Bigfoot and Bigfoot will love this movie for its fun characters, over the top sexual nature, returning characters from both Warlock and LBP films and gut wrenching gore. Best kill in the movie has Stinkfest rip the intestines out of a dude and chokes him with it.  Directed by Chris Seaver. This is the first official new Warlock film. 

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An Evening With My Great Aunt Bedelia (1993/2012)

Edith is a small thrift store owner who finds out that her rich grandma has just passed away and the reading of her will is being held at the family house. When she arrives with her boyfriend, she finds that she is only left a book while her creepy Great Aunt Bedelia is left the money and the house, and when she meets the lover of her Grandma she learns that her Great Aunt is really a demon who feeds on human souls.  Now Edith must find the clues and power to put an end to Demon Bedelia once and for all. The films monster is Great Aunt Bedelia who is a hairy chested woman with curly black hair and a black dress who transforms into a demon when she needs to feed. Fans of films like Night of the Demons, Rabid Grannies and Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare will enjoy this film for its amazing soundtrack, fun backyard effects, demon killer, landmark sets and cheesy acting. Best kill in the film is when the Demon plays games with a young child then chases him home only to pop his eyes out! Directed by Tobe Lerone. 

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Bloody Red Lips Of Blood (1989/2012)

Two lesbian vampires pick up girls at the local rock club and drain them of their blood. But they make the mistake when they kill the daughter of Professor Bartel who now is working on finding out who his child’s killer is when he don’t think the police are working fast enough. With the help of his daughter’s friend Amy they track down and want revenge on those who took a loved one away from them, but will they succeed or will they find out that revenge has a price? The film’s killers are Karen and Lisa who are vampire lovers who wear 80’s style outfits and have long sharp fangs! Fans of Titanic 2000, Embrace Of The Vampire and To Sleep With A Vampire will like this film for its lesbian vampire themes, bloody boobs, use of a NES, fun storyline, backyard gore and no budget acting. Best kill in the movie when one vampire bites her female victim in the shower. Directed by Nigel Cheeseball.

Warlock has a little something for all horror fans from zombies, slashers and vampires to demons, bigfoot and aliens making sure that fans of no budget shot on video horror have many baddies to choose from. This company has quickly became one of my favorite no budget companies, and I always look forward to new releases being added to the list. Plus it was an honor when they asked to release two of my older films Werewolf of Ohio and The Sadness both on VHS and DVD, and I hope more films of mine from the past to present will come out from this fun company. Not to mention the fact when Warlock rereleased Werewolf of Ohio convention Fright Night Film Fest who had booked Baron Von Porkchop all ready also added me as a director to the guest list! 

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While I have been very productive on making the TV show Terrifying Tales of The Macabre, I have been behind on my film making.  In fact the last film I was making was called “It’s In The Crawlspace,” and a few production issues has set it back to the point of years being on the shelf.  The film started in 2009 and just as of late looks like it might see the light of day in 2013. So to keep myself still in the film making world I have set my sights on producing and have put money in such films as Filthy Mcnasty 4, Church of the Eyes, Depression The Movie, Babysitter Massacre, Return to Blood Fart Lake, Consumption of the Heart, Sexsquatch and even Wolf Hunter 2. Doing this helps keep my creative mind fresh and I get to see films of my friends like Henrique Couto, Chris Seaver, Andy Copp and Matt Hoffman come alive and makes me feel good helping these guys make art. I have been speaking about coming back and filming a few new films but only time will tell if this really happens, so keep your eye to this blog for any update on that.

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I hope this entry found some of you wondering about Warlock Home Video, and I hope many of you will take the few extra moments and check out their website and maybe even order a DVD or two of these fun shot on video horror adventures.  While they are not Citizen Cane they sure as hell all deliver on a fun cheesy watch, until next time stay creepy my friends.

Marvel Smurfs

I was born on September 8th 1979, and I was lucky to be a kid through both the 80’s and 90’s. Much like every kid from my generation, I loved toys, video games, horror films, Saturday Morning Cartoons, horror hosts, surgery breakfast cereal, pro wrestling and of course comic books. I grew up in a small town (Waynesville, Ohio) that was dubbed the antique capital, and from day one I was the strange kid who spent his time drawing demons, the rock band Kiss and Frankenstein’s Monster and never making the move on the girl of my dreams who just so happened to be good friends with my next door neighbor who at that time was basically my best friend. I know you’re all thinking wow what a wuss, but if you would have seen how beautiful this young lady was and how she could make your heart skip a beat you would understand why a oddball like me in my Ultimate Warrior or Alice Cooper shirt never made a move.

On Saturdays my mom would take my brother and I to the neighboring town to a store called Big Bear & Hearts and for grocery shopping/ The store was one half food (Big Bear) and the other half department store (Hearts). Cool things in this store included not only the Street Fighter II Arcade Machine but also the giant stuffed bear that was like your greeter. The toy department was magical in my eyes and was always packed with the newest G.I. Joe, Transformer, Battle Beast, WWF wrestler and every other new figures. If we were good we would get a toy and usually along with it a comic or a Mad or Cracked Magazine. I was always into The Incredible Hulk and Captain America and most of the time that’s what I would pick to go alongside my new Monster in My Pocket, G.I. Joe or whatever toy I was into that month. Then we would be off. After we checked out and would stop at the store’s snack bar for an Icee (Blue Berry or Coke) and sometimes a soft pretzel or nachos, we would get home in time to watch Commander USA’s Groovie Movies or sometimes Grandpa Munster host his Super Scary Saturday film on TBS.

Comic Books were a fun way to leave reality and to step into the boots of your favorite hero or villain, leaving behind all the annoying life drama just for the brief moments it took you to read the issue. DC had some great heroes like Superman, Batman, Swamp Thing, Wonder Woman and Flash. While they had some great issues and characters, I have always been a Marvel man due to amazing characters like Hulk, Captain America, Spider-Man, Man-Thing, Iron Man and Thor. Marvel also had great comics based on toylines like Transformers and G.I. Joe. Comic books have always been apart of my life thanks to my Mother who bought them for me, my older brother Bryan who read them to me when I was younger, my Uncle Thurman who gave me many of his older issues and my cousin Chris Jones who got me one of my first new Hulk issues off the newsstand when we has babysitting me.

Comics and other things from my youth made me more creative and lead to me to making my own comic books with such characters as Benny the Squirrel, Robo Raccoon, Fred The Mole, Mr. Emo and many more. Most of the comics I made were to amuse myself and sometimes my Mom and friends. But even without any real talent for drawing, my Mom and Dad would encourage me to keep up the good work. I was never really good at art so the hobby faded, but the creative bug stayed with me and lead me into the world of films and TV shows. To this day I am the proud owner of two small film companies, Independent B Movie and Bloodline Video, and have made such films as Werewolf of Ohio, The Sadness, Cocktober Blood, Bark at the Moon: Scars and am currently making the popular horror host show Terrifying Tales of the Macabre hosted by Baron Von Porkchop. So for all those people that were told comics will rot your brain, that’s in no way true…well maybe not completely true.

One off the wall brand that always peeked my interest even before I was in school was Star Comics, the kiddy branch of the mighty Marvel Comic juggernaut. They would make comics about popular cartoons or toy lines and were be a cheap way for parents to keep us youngsters happy till the next episode. One of the first times I discovered Star Comics was when I was really young and a cereal company gave away free issues with a mail-in. Oh the good old days of amazing and cheap prizes in your cereal! So this little blog is about re-living my youth, looking back at Star Comics, Topps Comics and other wonderful Marvel Comics that have always peeked my interest that are not normally what you would think of when someone says Marvel. And who knows, maybe I will review some other comics based on cartoons, toys, video games and TV shows from other companies. So let’s start this off with looking back at The Smurfs’ short run at Marvel.

I am going to grade these comics on a standard one to four star scale. For each issue I am going to be grading the story, the art, how true it was to the cartoon or toyline it was based on and its entertainment value. So with that said, let’s look at The Smurfs!

Smurfs #1  **

Released in 1982     Cover Price .60     Marvel Comics     #1 of 3

The premiere issue is filled with three major stories and a few small fillers. Major story number one is called “ The Smurf Plane” and shows a Smurf building an airplane to impress the other Smurfs and later using his plane to save Smurfette from the evil Gargamel. “Nearer. My Smurf, To Thee!” is the second and has a Smurf who is trying so hard to hit the bullseye on the target with his bow and arrow. The third major story “The Smurf of Youth” has Smurfette fearing she is getting old and ugly and conning two other Smurfs into following her and a strange map she found to the fountain of youth, that really is just another sinister trap from Gargamel. Once more they don’t fall for it and escape unharmed.

The first thing you notice upon opening up this issue is the so-so art work that almost seems more of an amateur’s drawings for a youngster in their family. While it’s not that bad, it’s still puzzling to me how the Smurfs in this issue just don’t seem to look right. The sub par artwork aside, for a premiere issue it seemed very dull and rushed with the third major story “The Smurf of Youth” being the best in the book and keeping a silly fun shallow vibe throughout. I am puzzled as to why no one besides Papa Smurf questioned Smurfette as she vainly insulted herself by saying that because she’s older she is ugly, so one can only imagine just how foul Papa must be in her eyes. Smurfette does not come off as a good person in this issue and like I perviously stated seems self-absorbed. The first story is fun yet really anti-climatic. And the second story while “cute” still is just a filler entry. The best moment in this part being a Smurf using bees as darts. Most of the smaller stories also seemed like page filler and while fun and silly, they really just left you wishing the writers would have just made one solid story. Oh and a really odd thing is that Gargamel keeps calling Smurfette “The Smurfette” making for some odd reading. I mean is there some fake Smurfette running around as well? This comic doesn’t capture the good natured heart and soul of the cartoon and almost seems like a strange fan made comic. This issue # 1 didn’t impress me, and really gives a person nothing to talk about besides Smurfette’s shallowness sticking out like a sore thumb. I am sure even in my youth I would have found this issue to be a bland way to bring the Smurfs to comics. The cover on this one, while okay, should not have been used for an issue one. This looks like it should have been the cover for an issue after # 6! And man look at the Smurf in the plane he just looks super pissed off to see Gargamel!

Smurfs #2  **

Released in 1982     Cover Price .60     Marvel Comics     #2 of 3

This second issue is much like the first and has three major stories and a handful of small fillers. The first major story is “The Smurfs and the Evil Bird,” in which Gargamel turns himself into a bird to sneak into the Smurf village to kill them all while they sleep. But his plan is discovered by Papa Smurf who runs him out of the village but not before he takes a hostage! With the help of Mr. Crane, they get the Smurf back and Gargamel gets his. Second is “Smurf the Birdie” where Farmer Smurf wants to protect his corn seeds from the birds and must find the perfect scarecrow. After a failed one, he gets a statue of Smurfette that keeps the birds away because of all the Smurfs are just staring at the statue! This leads also into a few pages of Smurfs trying to win Smurfette’s affections. The final story is “Sticky Smurf” in which Gargamel uses a sticky sundae to capture a Smurf but the treat turns out to be so sticky that he also gets stuck in the desert! And of course it’s up to Papa Smurf to come up with a position to free his trapped friend.

This is not an improvement over the disappointing issue one and still has the same bland art inside. This time around also rocks one hell of a lame cover, I mean take a good look at the cover. While the bird and the background look okay, the Smurfs on the ground look terrible. In this second issue the best of the main stories would have to be the opener “The Smurfs and the Evil Bird.” This seems like it could have easily been on the cartoon and also makes for a shocking moment as Gargamel tries to smother the Smurfs with smoke as he clogs the chimney of Papa Smurf hoping to kill him. Also I should state that in this issue it’s shown that the Smurfs drink Brandy! Wow, these Marvel Comic Smurfs are badass party animals! That’s one thing I have noticed so far, Marvel has changed some of this happy go lucky kids cartoon’s concepts into a little more sinister and sly ways to work in some adult style shockers from drinking to narcissism to even murder, making the issues a little more enjoyable to see just how much they will push the limit. The best moment in this one comes when a Smurf wins a kiss from Smurfette after he brings her was she thinks is a fur scarf, that turns out to be really a pet caterpillar! Smurfette being the classy woman she is throws the insect out and is mad for not getting a real fur like she thought. Wow, what a Smurfy Bitch! Issue two is only slightly better than issue one and still does not bring the charm of the cartoon to cheap comic paper. Maybe issue three, the final in the Marvel Smurf series, will be just the right amount of fun this series needs.

Smurfs #3   **1/2

Released in 1982     Cover Price .60     Marvel Comics     #3 of 3

This is the third and final issue and once more it semi-follows the formula of the past two issues with this time only two main stories and a few filler ones. Story one “ Monster Smurf” shows how all the other Smurfs get sick of Jokey Smurf’s pranks and decide to pull an ultimate prank on him in return. Then up is “Smurf Ball” were Hefty Smurf is two strong to play smurfball with the others so Handy rigs up a ball on a rubber band that Hefty can play with on his own and it leads to him on accidentally leading Gargamel to the village. It’s up to his quick thinking to save the day.

This third go around is still a major let down. While this issue is closer to the cartoon, it still lacked something to make it rise above and pull it out from being a two and a half star issue. This issue’s best offer is “Monster Smurf” just due to the fact it showed Jokey Smurf being the prankster we all knew and loved from the cartoon. This one also took out the third story and focused more on short stories that mostly dealt with Harmony Smurf and his lack of ability to carry a note. It was also nice to see an issue that focused on other Smurfs beside Smurfette who seemed to be a huge part of the past two issues. Like I said earlier, this one is the closest out of the comics run to capture the lighthearted fun tone of the cartoon and is the best issue in the series for doing so. The cover is also an improvement and is more eye catching and better drawn than the issues that came before it. So it seems just as the series seemed to be changing for the good, it was cancelled never to fully redeem itself.

My connections to the world of the Smurfs in my youth was very loose. While I watched the cartoon and enjoyed it, I only had a few of the small figures and they acted as the wussy background characters the good guys had to protect when I would have my all out toy wars. I also remember my Grandmother had a few on a shelf that when we would visit she would let us play. She also had glasses we drank from. My aunt also had a few, but again the toy line was never my thing. The cartoon and toys were always thought of more as a girl items with all their positive messages, cheesy romantic figures and no beat ’em up action or moveable parts so I am not sure why Marvel, who mostly made comics for young males, decided to make this short comic series. It also makes me wonder why only three issues – were the sales that bad they pulled the plug on it fast? Or were the people who owned the rights to the Smurfs that hard to work with? I tend to think that it probably started out as a trial run with only three issues being made with the option of more, but sales were most likely mediocre at best and the deal was just not in the cards. I happened to get these issues at Maverick Cards and Comics run by Jack Maverick in Kettering, Ohio in 2008 in a brand new sealed three pack that someone before me bought at K-Mart for a dollar when it was released. I paid three for the set! Not a bad pick up at all and they sure did come in handy for this blog. But now I am off topic. Over all Marvel’s Smurf run was a mediocre outing with some odd behavior coming from the pint size blue little bastards. The issues did not wow me now and I would be so bold to say that even in my youth I would have not been impressed.

On a fun side note in 1982, a Smurf game called “Rescue in Gargamel’s Castle” was released for both Coleco Vison and Atari 2600 and marked the first time the characters would be in a video game. The little blue mushroom house living icons would also have games on many of the top systems such as Playstation, Nintendo DS, Wii, NES, PC and many more home systems!

One thing I have noticed about Smurfs as well is that almost every one of my girlfriends (past and present) have loved them! I am not sure what the appeal is to women but they seem to really have a bound to the Smurfs. In fact here is a pic of my current girlfriend’s Smurf Collection and this is a drop in the hat compared to how many she really has.

Another thing I would like to briefly talk about is “The Smurfs Enchanted Voyage,” a boat ride at Kings Island Amusement Park here in Ohio. The ride would have you sit in a boat and travel down a path that had scenes all around you and voices and the theme song would play throughout. I first heard about this ride via my mother who went to the theme park for a Christmas celebration with her friend and was able to ride it. Many years later my brother and I went to the park with some family members and were able to ride it and I must say, being young the ride was pretty sweet! I remember being amazed by the Smurfs from around the world. Sadly the ride is no longer running and has been changed to many different things that included “The Phantom Theater”. Below are some pics of the ride. Sadly I did not take these myself – I was able to find them online, so thanks to whom ever shared these pics with the world.

In 2011 the Smurfs came to the silver screen for the first time and guess what? It was not an animated feature film but a CGI live action one! I have not seen the film nor do I have any desires to, but it did do well at the box office showing that these little blue forest dwellers still pack a punch in the eyes of the youth.

So my next update I think we will look at Marvel’s A-Team run that also only ran for three issues, and I will share some of my fond memories of Mr. T and the A-Team.

Oh yeah, and this blog is a work in progress and I am still working out the bugs of how I want things set up, but I hope you enjoyed this entry and I hope reading also helped trigger some past fun memories for you.